You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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