I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
