i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
