he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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