Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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