I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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