If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
