I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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