everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
