***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
