I didn't shave. On purpose
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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