peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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