I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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