Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
