Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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