I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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