you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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