Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize