I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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