so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
