I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
