4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
