what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We left the knife in your bed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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