So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
