he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had sex on a roof
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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