thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
