I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
