Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
