i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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