ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
