I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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