I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
