Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
