Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
