good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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