Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
