If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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