We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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