i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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