hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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