smell my finger.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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