Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
