my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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