You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
