I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
