if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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