I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
