Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
