I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
