drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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